A View of How People Learn

How Does a Person Learn? We are programmed to learn. We are naturally learning beings. We cannot stop or start learning. We can, however, speed it up, slow it down, and direct it. We learn in all of the major theoretical modes (and some we have not yet identified). Pavlov, Skinner, Bandura, Piaget and others are all correct about some of the basic processes of learning. We all respond in a conditioned manner to a sound, a sight, a smell, a taste, or a touch. We have all experienced the shaping of our behavior (a child learns to walk to the cheers and celebration of every step). We certainly learn by observing and imitating behavior and we mature in a certain order. Learning is also both enhanced and limited biologically. These models point out the complexity of learning -- and they point out only a modicum of the complexity. Unlearning will be considered later.

The Relationship Between Cognition, Affect and Behavior. An example of the complexity of learning is the relationship between cognition, affect and behavior. In some learning experiences all three of these human aspects are present; in others they are separate (as separate as can be in an intra-active, holistic, integrated being); and in other experiences they combine in several variations.

A father has just left his family, the mother and a 16 year old son. Both the mother and son are feeling the trauma of separation as the mother discusses the new behaviors she will need in the son’s relationship to the household. She is reasonable and understanding, as well as clear about what she anticipates and he takes a sudden leap in maturity as he responds with appropriate behavior to his mother’s requests. The son has observed his mother’s emotional and healthy response to their dilemma and responds with appropriate behavior. The trauma of the circumstances provides both meaning and an anchor to what he has learned about and from his mother.

If the son does not share the mother’s grief because he does not really feel close to his father due to the father’s world travels, he may learn from his mother’s emotional and healthy response but not connect with the enormity of the event for his mother and not respond with empathic behavior. Also, the enormity of the event may overwhelm the son so much he does not recognize his mother’s response and his only response is with no change in behavior due to denial. Deep inside he may feel abandoned.

Another possibility is that he feels little or nothing, does not experience his mother’s courage, and behaves appropriately out of duty to his mother. The combinations are limitless when the "level" of responses is considered.

Relatively permanent learning is possible in any of the three realms being considered. One can learn from repeated messages and/or behavior modeling; from emotional trauma; and behavioral repetition.

Critical Learning Periods. Critical periods of learning are very early in life, in the presence of a threat to our existence, and in association with hunger, pain, sex and intense stimuli. Although I believe that all learning is possible at any time in life, it may not be probable at times that one can learn life enhancing thoughts and behaviors due to the intensity of the initial event(s), physical limitations, and/or socialization (which impacts the motivation to learn what works to be at peace).

There are two major domains of learning: (1) the content domain and (2) the contextual domain. The content domain includes all ideas, behaviors and habits. The contextual domain is outside of the process or processing required in the content domain. It is the domain that requires no process. It is where our ideas, our perceptions and our behaviors spring from, yet is has no form. It provides form. It cannot be described because describing it is in the content domain. So as I describe it, the description is not it.

Context is the basic condition of our life that is formed mechanically early in life and serves to direct unthinkingly and automatically the course of our thinking and acting. It is the domain of the half full or half empty glass. It is the domain of true trust and mistrust. It is the domain of happiness and unhappiness that is enduring and not reactive to the circumstances (which could be described as "content" happiness and unhappiness). In the content domain there is change. In the context domain a shift is possible, and it would "look like" transformation or a paradigm shift. In the content domain love exists or not as expressed in ideas and behaviors. In the contextual realm, love exists or not. As you may have read earlier, I also refer to a "context of contexts." The context from which all contexts spring is pure love. So even if the context of love does exist in someone’s life, it still springs from a greater context of pure love. It is my belief that our nature and basic context is pure love not hate nor a blank slate.

Sometime between conception and around birth the context of life is formed through communication with the mother and is the result of her "context" and experiences with the father, relatives, and her circumstances. The context can shift or transform, and the initial formation of one’s context shapes one’s view of life until a shift takes place, which cll need in the son’s relationship to the household. She is reasonable and understanding, as well as clear about what she anticipates and he takes a sudden leap in maturity as he responds with appropriate behavior to his mother’s requests. The son has observed his mother’s emotional and healthy response to their dilemma and responds with appropriate behavior. The trauma of the circumstances provides both meaning and an anchor to what he has learned about and from his mother.

experience, and so on and so on and so on. The experience of love between two people, for example, can become more and more conceptual and ritualistic with the couple not knowing what happened.

It seems reasonable that the earlier a context forming event or series of events happens, the more justified the ideas and feelings springing from that context become. Also, the earlier such an experience occurs the fewer tools the child has for understanding the circumstances and/or defending oneself from the consequences. Perhaps the force behind any situation is, as object relations theory points out, the child’s relationship with the mother. The complete dependence on mother can result in a seemingly traumatic event for the child without the mother even being aware of it. A child who already feels abandoned, due to separation at birth or adoption, may be terrified if mother does anything unusual such as stay away from home an extra few hours.

Children or adults may have learning experiences that might be difficult to unlearn if they are confronted with a threat to their existence or with an intense stimulus accompanied by a message that is real or imagined. If a female child or an adult female experiences forced sex it could result in generalized fears of sex and/or of men. I believe each event in our life inherently has a message for us and, depending upon the repetition of the message, the duration of the message and/or the intensity of the message, we make a decision (or set of decisions) about life based upon the message(s). Sex is dirty or men are bad or other decisions may be made as the result of incest or rape. It is possible to change those decisions and it may not be easy.

How Does a Person Unlearn and How is Behavior Changed? Unfortunately, unlearning is not as simple as learning. Even an intensely loving atmosphere may not by itself overcome a child’s decision that they are unloved. There are many paths to unlearning. I believe many, perhaps most, personal issues that motivate a person to seek therapy are the result of miscommunication, thus inaccurate messages and inappropriate decisions. This brings us back to the context of contexts.

Love is, in my opinion (and in my experience), the context of contexts. It is in this ultimate context the presence and absence of "love" exists; where happiness and unhappiness exists; where forgiveness and lack of forgiveness resides; and where the glass is both half full and half empty. In the context of contexts only love, peace and innocence exist not matter what form the expression assumes. When a person expresses love (the content realm) to another person they love that person. When a person does not express love (the content realm) to another person they love that person. When a person expresses hate (the content realm) to another person they love that person. In the context of contexts any behavior is the highest form of the expression of love that one person can express to another person in that instant.

The context of contexts provides a path out of some very strongly held inappropriate life decisions. It is a way of separating behavior from the person; of forgiving ourselves or another person without forgiving the behavior. It is a way of clearing up the miscommunication of a traumatic event, and a way of experiencing (see "The Breakthrough Experience Methodology" section for an explanation of how it is "experienced") that one is loved no matter what their circumstances are or were. It is a path to our innocence and a path to compassion.

A person can unlearn by experiencing the context of contexts and they can unlearn through cognitive/behavioral techniques. In a follow-up group (nine two hour sessions), that sometimes is convened after the Breakthrough Experience, we use both models. Irrational and dysfunctional thought processes are identified and a program of affirmations and/or visualizations is created. If a person is persistent and patient, the mind seems to respond to reprogramming. The speed at which it reprograms is an unknown factor, unique to each person.

Behavioral changes often take place automatically following an affective or cognitive experience that is healing. Changing behavior with behavior techniques is direct and it works. I have often utilized systematic desensitization successfully, as well as reframing. The drawback is there is still a possibility that an internal conflict, self esteem issue, etc., still exists. However, the change in behavior may produce positive outcomes resulting in positive reinforcement that reprograms one’s thinking in the same manner as produced by the cognitive techniques of affirmations and visualization.

There is no one solution to behavioral and internal issues. It is well known that specific approaches are often more effective for specific mental disorders. The theory presented here is not presented as the theory nor is the view of counseling, presented in the following section, offered as the view of counseling or as the answer. It is presented as a process that builds upon the foundation of love, compassion and forgiveness that offers people a path to an alternative way of viewing and living life.